Funny Quotes

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. -- Larry Hardiman

If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot", you are wasting everybody's time.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose. -- Steven Wright


There is a thin line between fishing and standing on a shore like an idiot. -- Steven Wright


Cross-country skiing is great...if you live in a small country. -- Steven Wright


Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. -- Steven Wright


It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. -- Steven Wright


I have an inferiority complex. But it's not a very good one. -- Steven Wright


Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. -- Steven Wright

Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird. -- Steven Wright

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. -- Mitch Hedberg